


From the End Springs New Beginnings

by gleefulfan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, post christmas speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 17:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12893409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulfan/pseuds/gleefulfan
Summary: Set a few days after the upcoming Christmas special. Robert's gotten out of the hospital and is thinking about all the changes he needs to make when Aaron comes round to check on him.





	From the End Springs New Beginnings

Robert had finally managed to get to the kitchen and make a brew, but somehow those movements had already tired him out. He managed to make some toast and sat down on the couch, not planning on moving again anytime soon.

The doctor said it would probably take another week for him to feel close to normal again. The concussion, the near hypothermia and the cuts on his side combined to put him in a pretty terrible state. They’d recommended staying another day but Robert was glad to be out of the hospital. He’d already ruined everyone’s Christmas and Boxing Day (and by everyone he meant Vic, Diane, and Aaron). At least back at Victoria’s, everyone could get back to their normal lives.

He hated feeling weak like this, particularly when he had no one to blame but himself. At least when he’d been shot he’d known it was someone else’s fault, had someone concrete to blame. But no, he couldn’t think like that anymore. No more vengeance.

As soon as he could work up enough energy he could start to put some of his ideas into motion. After Robert had woken up, had come to grips with what he’d seen and what path he had to take now, he was worried he’d end up bored. After all, wasn’t that what he’d always imagined about Andy’s life? Some boring no-name farmer, doing the same work day after day, just like Jack.

Now Andy was living the life of a fugitive somewhere, and Robert had decided to try and follow the path of the angels. But he wasn’t bored at all. Robert could hardly keep track of everything he wanted to do now. Not just establishing his new work life, but he had so many relationships to repair and so many new ones to build.

Victoria and Diane were first. Robert figured he should start easy and work his way up the difficulty scale. They still loved him, even if Robert didn’t understand how they still could. They had stayed with him in the hospital, had worried over him even when he’d told them to go home and enjoy Christmas. They had only ever wanted him to do better, which is what Robert wanted now too.

Sarah and Jack were next. Andy had been forced to leave them fatherless last year and Robert somehow hadn’t spared them a second thought, too consumed with getting back at the Whites. Liv would be exponentially harder, and would probably test every bit of his newfound resolve, but he would convince her too. He couldn’t leave these impressionable youngster to be raised purely by Dingles, could he?

Robert knew that others were better left alone. Chas hated him for everything he’d put Aaron through and he couldn’t blame her. Even if there had been some warmth there for a while, it wasn’t coming back anytime soon, if ever. And the Whites had only ever brought out the worst in him. They deserved justice for the things they’d done, and perhaps one day they’d get it, but Robert couldn’t be the one to do it.

That just left the two relationships he didn’t have an answer to yet. Sebastian was gone, because of what Robert had done, and he had no good way to find him. The Whites had more resources to hide Rebecca than Robert had to find her. He could keep some basic electronic searches running and hope one day Rebecca popped up, but that was about it. He’d started writing letters to Sebastian, in the hopes that one day he could give them to his son and prove that he’d never stopped thinking about him.

And then there was Aaron. His impossibly forgiving husband (Robert would always think of him that way) who had saved his life, taken him to the hospital, and sat with him on Christmas, even after everything Robert had done. The changes in Robert after Sebastian’s birth and at Christmas, had all been because of the doors Aaron had opened. Loving Aaron had shown him how to love others again, and eventually maybe even himself.

But there wasn’t a relationship Robert could go and fix. Aaron still called him a mate and told Robert he would always care about him. But he was with Alex, and Robert couldn’t very well go about breaking them up. Well he _could_ , he already had like five different plans that would totally get the job done, but he wouldn’t. That would defeat the purpose of everything else he was doing. So then Robert was just left with being Aaron’s friend and NOT trying to get back in his bed, which was really the worst part about doing the right thing. 

Robert was debating whether or not he could morally tell Aaron if he caught Alex doing something wrong (fat chance of that) when a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He couldn’t face getting up, so he called out “It’s open!” and hoped he was right.

The door swung open and Aaron appeared, holding a casserole dish in his hands and wearing a worried look on his face. Even now, the sight of Aaron made his brain briefly short-circuit. He tried to get up before a spike of pain in his side reminded him that it wasn’t a good idea to move that quickly.

“Hiya,” Robert said, not sure what else to say.

“Diane said you’d come home, asked me to bring this over,” Aaron said, setting the dish on the table. “You could have let me know you were leaving the hospital early.”

“Didn’t want to bother you,” Robert said. “I’d already ruined enough of your holiday.”

“Wouldn’t have been a bother,” Aaron said. “I told ya, I still care and I want to make sure you take care of yourself.”

“I’ve got Vic and Diane, they’re plenty,” Robert said. Of course he’d rather be taken care of by Aaron but he couldn’t very well say that, could he? “I’m sure I ruined your plans with your family and” Robert swallowed hard, “and Alex. You should be spending time with them.”

Aaron looked at him strangely. “Are you alright? I don’t mean physically. You said some weird stuff at the hospital and I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or what.”

Part of Robert felt like he didn’t deserve to tell Aaron about his revelations, that he deserved to carry this alone. But he knew Aaron was the only one he could tell, the only one would might understand. “When I was unconscious, I had these dreams. And I realized, that if I died, all I’d be remembered is as a failure. A failed son, a failed brother, a failed husband and a failed father.”

“That’s not true,” Aaron said, sitting down in the chair across from the couch. “You’ve done bad things, sure, we all have. But you’ve done plenty of good too.”

That brought a hint of a smile to Robert’s face. How Aaron still managed to defend him, Robert would never understand. “It’s nice of you to argue but you’re the only one who’d bother. I’ve been incredibly selfish ever since I was a teenager. I’ve always put myself first, for years now.”

“Robert, you literally saved my life last year. I wouldn’t have made it through everything with Gordon without you. You cleared Andy’s name, so he can come home someday.”

“I did it because I love you,” Robert said, not bothering to add the ‘d’ when they both knew it was still true. “I didn’t want to live without you. But it’s not enough.”

“Fine, you’ll be nicer to people,” Aaron said. “And you’ll stop scheming. I just don’t want you to think of yourself as a failure. It’s not good for ya.”

“That’s the point,” Robert said, feeling himself getting excited again. He’d never imagined that something as simple as being a better person would make him feel like this. “I have an opportunity to fix so much. Diance and Vic have given me so many chances and I can finally prove them it wasn’t in vain. And I want to be an uncle to Sarah and Jack and I want to fix things with Liv.”

“Oh, you’re gonna get Liv to come round?” Aaron said, eyebrows raised but a smile on his face. “Good luck with that.”

“I’ll wear her down, you’ll see. And as soon as I’m better, I’m going to get a new job, some place where I can really make a difference in people’s lives.”

“How?” Aaron didn’t seem to be following this part. “Like through improved services? You’re a businessman Robert, not a social worker.”

“I’m thinking fundraising for a charity, something like that. I’ve always been good at separating rich folks from their money, might as well send it to a good cause.”

Aaron didn’t respond for a moment and Robert knew he’d really shocked him with that last one. People were just going to have to get used to it. “You’re going to work at a charity?” Aaron asked slowly.

“It’s just an idea, but I think it makes sense,” Robert said, a bit defensively. “I know a couple of others who have made a similar jump.”

“Wow,” Aaron said, clearly not quite sure what to make of all this. “Okay. I have to get to the scrapyard but I think this is good news. I’m like 60% confident this is good.” Aaron was wary, but Robert understood. It would take everyone time to see how serious he was about this.

“Better than nothing, I guess,” he said. “Thanks for checking in on me.” Robert had something else on the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t sure if he should say it. He didn’t exactly have a manual that explained how his feelings were supposed to line up with this new, better person concept.

“Course,” Aaron said, patting him on the knee as he got up to leave. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Aaron was at the door before Robert managed to screw up the courage to say something. “Wait!” he said, leaning on the arm of the couch so he could stand up. This didn’t seem like the kind of thing he should say sitting down.

“What?”

“You didn’t ask how you fit into all this.”

Robert saw Aaron gulp and steel himself against the door before he responded. “Okay. How?”

“I still love ya. I always will.” Robert took a breath. “I know you’re with Alex and I will respect that. I won’t interfere. But I can’t just move on, even if it’d be easier. Maybe someday I will. And if all you ever want to be is mates, then I’ll, I’ll make it work.”

Robert could feel the tears forming, but he soldiered on. He didn’t know if he’d ever be in a position to say this again and he had to get it out. “Because everything I do from now on, any good I manage to accomplish, it’s because your love got me here. You showed me how to be a good man. I just wish I’d seen it in time.”

There were tears in Aaron’s eyes now too. They were both just standing there staring at each other. Robert imagined for a moment that Aaron was going to come over and kiss him, but that would have been too easy. Instead Aaron spoke, giving Robert a hint of hope for the future. “And I thought staying away from bad boy Robert was hard.”

They both laughed and used it as an excuse to wipe away the tears. “Maybe that’s the real master plan,” Robert joked.

Aaron smiled, giving Robert one of his favorite mental images to hold on to after he left. It still seemed so far away though. Maybe someday it would be close again. “Bye, Robert.”

“Bye, Aaron.” Aaron closed the door behind him and Robert slowly sat back down, exhausted by what had just happened. But he was glad he said what he said to Aaron. He couldn’t do anything else, not until Aaron came to a decision about Alex, but in that moment he could still feel everything that was between and he knew Aaron felt it too.

Now he had to wait, and focus on all the other parts of his life that needed fixing. But he had faith in Aaron. This wasn’t the end. It was a new beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr at [gleefulfan](www.gleefulfan.tumblr.com)


End file.
